[1/10] Ascend is a duo consisting of Gentry Densley and Greg Anderson. There are others who contribute to the duo’s Southern Lord Recordings debut, ample.fire.within, but their names do not need to be mentioned in connection with such a pretentiously boring forty-five minutes of sonic muck. Southern Lord Records claims that with this album Ascend aims to combine the jazz of John Coltrane with the powerful darkness of The Melvins.

This album is an utter failure in that regard and is an insult to the greatness of both aforementioned legendary artists. Coltrane and The Melvins are geniuses. Combining the ideas of Coltrane and The Melvins into one musical morass is akin to smearing peanut butter and jelly onto a pile of pastrami squished in between two pieces of rye bread. They are clearly two great tastes that have no appeal when forced together.

The album contains no discernible riffs or hooks. It is the absolute antithesis of melody. There is no reason for anyone to bang one’s head or even to nod along in a pseudo-stoned stupor. The tracks sound like a band warming up in a crappy rehearsal room. I have honestly heard demo tapes made on ancient four-track recorders that have better sound quality than this. Everything is buried so low in the mix that chunks are unintelligible. The vocals all sound as if the Cookie Monster is roaring from the seventh-layer of Hell with the microphone turned off. Attempting to understand any of the lyrics is as futile as swimming against Michael Phelps.

The only solace I can take from listening to this experiment is that the version of this album that came my way was short one track so I only had to endure 45 minutes of this as opposed to any sucker who buys (or downloads) it and gets the 54. Listening to this album just might shake your faith in metal and even music in general. If this disease enters your skull, my remedy is two full spins of at least one of your all-time favorite metal albums. I’m listening to Vulgar Display of Power right now just to numb the pain. Ascend has caused me to do something I have never done in my memory: apologize to my ears.

www.southernlord.com